Nerves or Something More? A Memphis Parent's Guide to Anxiety during the First Weeks of School
- Alliance Healthcare Services
- 20 hours ago
- 6 min read
Backpacks and supply lists are the easy part. For a lot of Memphis families, the harder question is quieter: is my kid okay?
That was the subject of a recent WMC Action News 5 segment on student mental health, featuring Dr. Marissa Gray, DNP, PMHNP-BC, a clinical assistant professor of mental health nursing at the University of Memphis. Her guidance lines up closely with what our clinicians see every August.
Here is what to watch for, and what actually helps.
Why the first weeks hit harder than they look
Gray described the pressure on students today as a mix rather than a single cause: academic demands, social life, and the constant pull of phones and digital technology, all layered on top of already busy family schedules.
For most kids, that shows up as a rough couple of weeks and then it settles.
The adjustment period is normal. New building, new teacher, new routine, and a nervous system that has been on summer time for two months. Most children find their footing within two to three weeks.
The signs that deserve a closer look
Gray pointed to a specific set of changes as red flags for parents. Watch for:
Changes in sleep patterns. Trouble falling asleep, or sleeping far more than usual.
Changes in appetite. Eating noticeably more or less.
Pulling away from friends they used to enjoy.
Not wanting to go to school at all, beyond ordinary reluctance.
One thing our clinicians would add to that list: stomachaches and headaches with no medical cause. In children, worry often shows up in the body before it shows up in words. A child who is genuinely anxious about school may not say "I feel anxious." They say their stomach hurts, and they mean it.
One or two rough mornings is not a crisis. A pattern that lasts and does not ease is worth a conversation.
The week most parents miss
Here is the part that gets left out of most back-to-school advice, which tends to be published on the first day and forgotten by the second.
The hardest stretch is usually week three, not week one.
The first days carry their own momentum. New shoes, new teacher, a little adrenaline. When that wears off and the year settles into its real rhythm, the actual difficulties surface: the homework load becomes visible, friend groups sort themselves out, and the routine stops feeling novel.
This is when we tend to hear from families. If your child seemed fine in August and is struggling in September, nothing has gone wrong and you have not missed something. That is the normal shape of it.
Watch weeks two through four for:
Morning resistance that is getting worse instead of better
Stomachaches or headaches that cluster on school days
Withdrawal from activities they were excited about in August
Sleep that has not settled back into a pattern
Burnout looks different at different ages
Burnout is not just an adult word, and it does not look the same in a second grader as it does in a sophomore.
In elementary-age children, it often looks like disengagement: no longer wanting to join in the classroom activities they used to enjoy.
In middle and high schoolers, the academic pressure is heavier, so it tends to surface as grades slipping or a visible drop in effort on schoolwork.
Moodiness, or something more?
Teenagers are moody. That is not news, and it is not automatically a warning sign.
Gray's guidance here is practical: know your kid's baseline. Is their room usually messy or usually tidy? Do they normally pop out of bed, or are mornings always a battle? The concern is not the behavior itself, it is a real change from their normal.
She also noted that substance use can appear alongside depression and anxiety as young people look for ways to cope. It is worth keeping on your radar without assuming the worst.
Four things that build resilience
Resilience is the flexibility to handle what life throws at you, and it can be built at home before a problem shows up.
Consistent routines. Teachers are excellent at this. Kids know where the backpack goes and when lunch happens. The same predictability helps at home.
A quiet, reliable place for homework. Knowing what to expect lowers the daily friction.
Whole-body health. Nutrition, sleep, and physical movement give stress somewhere to go.
Open communication in more than one direction. Not just with your child, but with teachers, school counselors, and coaches, so you are getting feedback from several places.
On being a safe place to talk: Gray made the point that it depends less on what you say and more on how you react. Being a safe place means staying safe to talk to even when you are frustrated, disappointed, or scared. Parents have to regulate themselves before expecting a child to do it.
Where Memphis families can turn
Start with the school. Your child's teacher sees them every day and notices what changes. School counselors are trained for exactly this, and your child already has a relationship with them. Gray recommended that as the first stop, and we agree.
When a family needs more than the school can provide, Alliance is here.
Asked about local resources on the segment, Gray said: "I'm a big fan of Alliance. They've got a lot of great supports there and they can embed supports into the schools as well."
That second part refers to our School-Based Behavioral Health Support program. Tennessee funds behavioral health liaisons in schools through community mental health centers, and Alliance is the provider for Shelby County. In practice that means there are Alliance clinicians working inside school buildings, not waiting in a clinic for a family to find them.
Liaisons provide individual counseling, assessments and referrals, group education, and consultation for school staff. Parental consent is required, so nothing happens with your child without you.
Most families, and a fair number of school staff, do not know this exists. If your child's school has a liaison, that is a resource you have already paid for.
Beyond the schools, Alliance offers outpatient mental health care for children, teens, and families.
Alliance accepts TennCare and most major insurance plans, and offers a sliding-scale fee for families who need it. Cost should not be the reason a child waits.
If it becomes a crisis: what actually happens
Most of what is above never rises to a crisis. But parents tell us the scariest part of a mental health emergency is not knowing what they are walking into, so here is the plain version.
The Children & Youth Crisis Wellness Center at 602 Malcomb Street serves ages 4 to 17, around the clock. It is the only crisis stabilization center of its kind for children in Shelby County.
What a visit looks like:
An assessment first. Every child is evaluated on arrival by clinical staff. Many families are seen, supported, and connected to care without ever staying overnight.
If your child does stay, it is short-term stabilization, usually a few days, not a long hospitalization.
The space is built for kids, with daily routines grouped by age from early elementary through high school. Schoolwork continues while they are there.
You stay involved. Families are part of treatment and discharge planning, not called at the end.
Nobody is discharged into thin air. Leaving comes with a follow-up plan and a connection to ongoing care.
At launch, the Center accepts BlueCare/TennCare Select, United HealthCare TennCare, & WellPoint TennCare. No child will be turned away regardless of insurance status or ability to pay.
When to make the call
If the changes you are seeing have lasted more than a few weeks, or your instinct says something is off, that is reason enough to reach out. You do not need a diagnosis to ask a question.
Call Alliance at (901) 369-1410 to talk with someone about care for your child.
If your child is in crisis right now, call the Alliance 24-Hour Crisis Line at (901) 577-9400, or call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Help is available 24 hours a day.