How To Talk To Your Kids About Mental Health: When to Tell a Grown-Up
- Alliance Healthcare Services
- 4 hours ago
- 5 min read
Sometimes something feels too big to carry alone. Here's how to know when it's time to tell a grown-up, and how to say it, even without the right words yet.
🗺️ Try the Helpers Map below. Tap any ring, family, school, community, or helpline, to see who you could tell and what happens next.
🌱 For Kids (5–7)
Sometimes you feel a big feeling inside. It might feel heavy. It might feel scary.
You do not have to hold it alone.
A grown-up you trust can help. A parent. A teacher. A grown-up at your school.
You do not need fancy words. You can just say, "I don't feel right." Or, "Something is bothering me."
They will listen. That is their job.
Sometimes a friend feels very sad. If it doesn't go away, you can tell a grown-up. That's a kind thing to do.
Just like Dory says: you don't have to swim alone. Someone can swim with you.
🌿 For Big Kids (8–10)
A trusted adult is a grown-up who listens, doesn't laugh at your worries, and helps you figure out the next step. It could be a parent, a teacher, a coach, or a school counselor.
Everybody gets a "too big" feeling sometimes. A worry that follows you around all day. A secret that feels heavy. Something a friend told you that scared you a little.
Here's something true about how your brain works: worries feel bigger when you carry them alone. Saying a worry out loud, even once, to someone who can actually help, makes it lighter almost right away. That's not just a feeling. It's how your brain is built.
Kids sometimes worry about telling. What if they don't believe me? What if I get in trouble? Here's the truth: grown-ups who care about you want to know, even the hard stuff. Telling isn't tattling. Telling is asking for help.
You don't need the perfect words. Try: "I don't feel right." Or: "Can I talk to you about something?"
The same goes for a friend. If a friend seems really down, or has stopped doing things they used to love, tell a grown-up. Do this even if your friend asks you not to. A real friend gets help, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Remember Mirabel from Encanto? She spent the whole movie trying to get her family to actually see her. Sometimes the bravest thing is saying, "Something's wrong, and I need you to really listen."
🌳 For Teens (11–13+)
There's a real gap between feeling okay talking about mental health, and actually bringing something up when it matters.
National survey data backs this up. Most teens say they're comfortable discussing mental health in general. But less than half actually talk to a parent about it regularly. Only a small fraction go to a teacher or school adult when something's genuinely wrong. Comfort and action aren't the same thing, and that gap is where a lot of people get stuck.
So why the gap? Research on why teens don't tell someone points to a few consistent reasons. Fear that a grown-up will overreact. Worry that a confidence will get broken. Plain embarrassment, or just not having the words yet. Every one of those fears makes sense. None of them means you should stay quiet.
Here's something worth knowing: telling someone actually changes what happens next. A national campaign built around encouraging teens to check in on a struggling friend tracked this directly. Teens who knew about the campaign's message were far more likely to actually talk to a friend about what they were going through. They were also more likely to encourage that friend to get professional support, or reach out to a crisis line to learn how to help. Awareness of one idea, "you can say something", measurably changed behavior. That's what happens when someone speaks up instead of staying quiet.
There's also solid research on what protects kids and teens through hard stretches: having even one adult who consistently makes you feel safe and heard. Not a whole support network. One person. That's the bar. A parent. A coach. An aunt. A school counselor. Someone at Alliance's Children & Youth Crisis Wellness Center, where a Family Support Specialist works alongside kids and families every day. It doesn't have to be someone with the right credentials. It has to be someone who actually listens.
If you're noticing real, sustained changes in a friend (not a bad day, but a bad stretch), that's worth telling an adult about. Watch for withdrawing from things they used to care about. Talking like they're a burden, or like nothing matters. Sleeping way more or way less than usual. Tell someone even if your friend asks you not to. You're not betraying them. You're getting them backup.
You don't need a script. "I'm worried about my friend" or "something's been off with me lately" is enough to start. If the adult you told doesn't take it seriously, tell another one. Keep going until someone does.
Think of Mirabel refusing to let her family keep looking past her. The moment things start to change is the moment someone says the hard thing out loud.
A Note for Grown-Ups
When a child tells you something hard, the first sentence matters most. Try: "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. We'll figure this out together." Avoid: "It's not a big deal" or "Why didn't you say something sooner?" Both can quietly close the door for next time.
If what they share involves ongoing risk, a friend in danger, or thoughts of self-harm, treat it as urgent: contact Alliance's Suicide Prevention Services team or your nearest Children & Youth Crisis Wellness Center. Alliance is part of Tennessee's Zero Suicide effort, built on the same idea this post teaches kids: one caring adult, reached in time, changes what happens next.
This approach aligns with MATCH-ADTC's framework we use at Alliance for supporting children through anxiety and mood concerns.
Reviewed by Dr. Mallory Mitchell, MD, MPH & Dr. Kiersten Hawes, PhD, LPC-MHSP, ACS, Alliance Healthcare Services
If you or a young person you know is in crisis
Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), 24/7, free, confidential.
In Shelby County: Alliance Healthcare Services' Children & Youth Crisis Wellness Center, same-day support for children, teens, and families. Walk in at 602 Malcomb Street, Memphis TN, or call (901) 369-1410.
Alliance 24-hour crisis line: (901) 577-9400.
In any life-threatening emergency: 911.
Characters referenced (Dory, Mirabel) are the property of their respective creators and studios. Alliance Healthcare Services is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any of them. Characters are discussed here for educational commentary purposes.